Basic Steps To Be More Resilient

Resilience is a composite of skills or abilities that are learned over time. It is an important factor in Emotional Intelligence which is necessary for forming and keeping healthy relationships, being successful at work and maintaining your physical health.

Resilience has been said to be essential to being a mature, emotionally healthy adult.

When things are tough, it is important to be realistically optimistic because this increases your ability to solve problems and find solutions. This means you will:

  • Do your best to stay in the present (not past or future).
  • Be specific about the situation (not generalize it).
  • Determine what you believe to be true (identify and stop catastrophic thoughts).

Sometimes your beliefs or thoughts may have to be challenged because they lead to strong negative feelings which can create feelings of hopelessness.

For instance, if you:

  • Believe your rights have been violated, you will feel angry.
  • Believe there is something threatening about the future, you will
    feel worried or anxious.
  • Think about loss, you will feel sad.

When you feel negative, you need to be a detective. Ask yourself,
“What do I believe about this situation?”

If the situation is threatening, you will need to have ways to calm yourself to stop catastrophic thinking. When you are calm, you have a more accurate perspective and can think more clearly about options. It is important to avoid the following because they will overwhelm you:

  • Over-generalizing.
  • Mind reading, and
  • Jumping to assumptions.

Instead, ask yourself these three key questions:

  1. What opportunities are there in this situation?
  2. What resources do I have – within myself and externally?
  3. How can I use these resources to embrace this opportunity?

All of these ideas help increase realistic optimism and resilience and can be learned. You will find that some are more appropriate for certain situations. Some may take practice for you to fully benefit from doing them.

Action Step: Choose to accept what cannot be changed. Take time to see how you can put this information into a plan that will work for you. Learning and personal growth are possible.

Comments below are welcome.

To your success,


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