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Tips to Help You Live the Life You Desire

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (10)

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

This last week we attended our grandson’s high school senior project exhibit. He has been totally consumed with it this semester. His finished product is a CD comprised of 7 songs; he wrote 3 of them. It is traditional bluegrass music. He plays the banjo and guitar for all of the songs, formed a band to add additional instruments and support singers, toured with a professional Midwest bluegrass band, and made a CD. What a way to complete his high school years! His senior project grade was pass with distinction – exceeds expectations. It shows what can happen when you are passionate about something and discipline yourself to do what it takes to achieve your goals. Outstanding!! We are so proud of him and are looking forward to his graduation this week end. If you enjoy bluegrass/banjo music, check out his CD: http://www.myspace.com/apecodstringband

So what does it take to live the life you desire? Definitely, having goals you are passionate about, focus, and self-discipline give you a good start. Also there are stages in life that are natural times for thinking about living the life you desire. Many of these times signal a transition which means some part of your life is ending and another part is beginning. Graduations are like that. It is a time of opportunity. Some other natural times are:

Starting school (middle school, high school, college, and graduate school)
Participating in sports, music, drama, or other areas of interest
Beginning a new job, career, or a new position
Starting a new relationship
Beginning a marriage
Becoming parents and eventually grandparents
Beginning retirement

Life is full of these opportunities.

The following tips will help you live the life you desire:

Know yourself. This means being able to identify your strengths, values, and feelings. This is critical information for you to have when you make important decisions. What makes you, you?
Have a dream about what you want to happen that matches your values (what is important to you) and uses your strengths. When you use your strengths, it is easier to be engaged or focused in what you are doing. You will not get bored with what you are doing.
Be able to picture what you want – in color if possible. When you picture what you want to happen, make the picture large and close to you rather than small and far away. If you can picture something like this, it is more likely to happen. It also helps you feel more motivated.
Set goals that are realistic, specific, and measurable so you will know where you are in the process.
Be willing to put forth the effort needed to learn what is needed to help you be successful. Often becoming successful depends on your ability to persevere when things do not go the way you want.
Be curious about life. It keeps you open to new ideas and learning experiences throughout your life.
Discover ways to be flexible and open to change so you can make adjustments along the way.

Throughout your life, know who you are and what is important to you. Let your choices reflect that, and see how your confidence increases as your life unfolds.

I finished my 3-call telecall series last week. I appreciate the requests I have received to do another series soon. Late summer, look for information about a new series. In the meantime, I would appreciate ideas for topics you are interested in. Please, add your ideas in the comment box below.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Goals, Life Satisfaction, Meaning, Purpose, Resilience

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Turning Disappointments into Opportunities

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (0)

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

What is something you are struggling with or disappointed in? Research indicates there are two important skills you must have to be happy or fulfilled in your life. Findings show that your happiness as an adult might depend on how well you learned as a child to:

Deal with disappointment or adversity.
Create and sustain joy.

If you rate yourself low on either one of these skills, now is your chance to master them. But first you have to be ready to be responsible for your own feelings, especially negative ones.

You see, it is easy to blame others for the way you feel. However, this will not help you discover opportunities hidden in your disappointment. It is like wearing blinders; negative feelings shut you down instead of opening you up. Whereas positivity broadens and builds your ability to think and feel.

So you begin by first being ready to be responsible for your own feelings – whatever they may be. This requires self-awareness. Then with commitment and effort, there are things you can begin to do to transform disappointments into opportunities.

The next step is to understand how your thoughts and beliefs lead to your feelings which will determine how you will act. In every negative situation, you have a choice of focusing on the:

Terrible things about it, and how it will make your life harder or less satisfying, or
Opportunities the situation may offer you and how you can use your strengths to move forward.

Sometimes opportunities cannot be identified until your negative feelings are neutralized. To do this, you need to name what you are feeling and notice what you are telling yourself without reacting to it emotionally. You need to reword it so it gives you possibilities. For instance, “I can’t do this” might become “I need help with this.”

Once your negative feelings are neutralized, you can ask yourself the following three questions:

What opportunities are there for me in this situation?
What resources do I have to help me?
How will I use my resources?

Sometimes the opportunities are not ones you would have chosen for yourself at that particular time. You may not feel ready to meet the challenge of finding employment, coming up with another idea, or cleaning the kitchen. However, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is to stop and discover what opportunities there are for you in the situation.

Then you can ask yourself what resources you have. Your resources will be internal or external. Internal resources may be your intelligence, sense of humor, experience, perseverance, courage, and any other strengths you might have. External resources may be family, friends, someone you respect, money, and time.

If the situation is complex, use your resources to come up with a doable plan that matches your values and is easy to follow through with over time. Talking with a trusted friend, adviser, mentor, or coach can help you know what to do.

To be successful with this requires self-control and effort. It takes resilience. Resilience is your ability to maintain stable, healthy levels of psychological and physical functioning in the face of loss or high stress from disruptive events. It is common and a skill that can be learned – even at an early age.

To be more resilient:

Find meaning in your life by choosing to find ways to include your top three values in your daily life.
Believe you can influence your surroundings and the outcome of events.
Be self-confident.
Believe you can learn and grow from both positive and negative experiences.

What choices are you making to be resilient? The way you choose to cope with what cannot be changed makes the difference in how resilient you can be. It is possible to live an engaging and meaningful life even if it is not possible to be extremely happy at the moment.

Look for ways to start your day well, and choose to be optimistic about its outcome. Find things to be grateful for and savor them. Celebrate success when it happens. With time you will regain your momentum and feel good about who you are and the opportunities that await you.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Emotions, Meaning, Resilience, Self-Awareness, Stress

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How to Live the Life You Desire

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (5)

Saturday, May 8th, 2010

Your life is more than days and years. It is what you do with your time and how closely the choices you make match your values. It is how you optimize the possibilities that cross your path.

Life is full of options. Some are intriguing while others are confusing, messy, and discouraging. You may look for shortcuts and not find any at the time. When you feel lost, people who love you will find you. What may seem to be an impasse may end up being a stepping stone to something important.

What do you feel passionate about? When you feel passionate about something, you feel a strong, compelling desire about it. You can see it. It is meaningful to you and gives you a purpose for living. Your purpose grounds you and keeps you moving forward.

The following principles are necessary for living a life you desire:

Love yourself. This means enjoying your own company and making peace with who you are at this moment in time.
Make time for yourself so that you can listen with your heart for your purpose in life.
Think positively and be grateful. Remember, mistakes are opportunities to learn.
Build meaningful, supportive relationships that bring out the best in you.
Put effort into things that are important to you. Be willing to stretch yourself and move outside your comfort zone once in a while.
Decrease your stress level by learning to be accepting and flexible when you cannot alter or avoid difficult situations.

Having the life you desire is not about having a perfect life or all the material things you want in life. It is much deeper than that. It has to do with knowing what is important to you and being able to take action in a positive way to achieve those things.

You have control over the choices you make. Your feelings about yourself and your life depend on your choices. Choose wisely.

Action step: Come join me for the last call Turning Disappointments into Opportunities in my FREE 3-call Teleclass Series “Be a Positive Force in Your Life and the Life of Others” Tuesday, May 18th, 8:00 pm EDT (7:00 pm CDT, 5:00 pm PDT). This last call is perfect for you if you are feeling stuck and are searching for more satisfaction and meaning in your life. You will learn:

2 important skills you must have.
3 key questions you need to ask yourself.
How to be more resilient.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Life Satisfaction, Meaning, Optimism, Positive Psychology, Purpose, Resilience, Stress

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Are You Building Your Emotional Strength and Resilience?

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (0)

Friday, April 30th, 2010

A question I often get asked is, “How can I be emotionally stronger?” When I hear that question I think of how important it is to be resilient in life. Sometimes this skill isn’t learned until adulthood. Some people never learn to be resilient.

Since stress is a fact of life, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. The way you choose to cope with what cannot be changed in and around you makes a difference in how resilient you will be.

When you are resilient, you move to positive emotions after a short period of being preoccupied with the problem or experiencing negative feelings and restless sleep. Resilient individuals bounce back quickly.

Resilience has become so important in life that The U.S. Army began its Comprehensive Soldier Fitness program for 1.1 million active-duty soldiers, reservists, and members of the National Guard in the fall of 2009. The largest component of this program is resiliency training. The belief is that there is a need for soldiers to attend to psychological/mental fitness the same way they do to physical fitness.

The Soldier Fitness program divides resilience into four areas:

Emotional
Spiritual
Family
Social

There is no single way to maintain emotional balance when things are tough. Different things work for different people. However, it helps to be realistically optimistic during difficult times because this increases your ability to solve problems and find solutions. This means that you will:

Do your best to stay in the present (not past or future).
Be specific about the situation (avoid generalizing).
Identify and stop catastrophic thoughts.
Determine what you believe to be true and what you may be imagining.

To be emotionally strong:

Find meaning in your life.
Believe you can influence your surroundings and the outcome of events
Believe you can learn and grow from both positive and negative experiences.

Positive emotions (love, curiosity, gratitude) and laughter are known to help you balance your emotional life, reduce your level of stress, and be more resilient. Increased contact with and support from important people in your life increase your sense of worth and build your resilience.

Other resources and protective factors that promote resilience include:

Safe neighborhoods
Positive social organizations such as libraries, churches, synagogues, etc.
Close relationships with important people in your life
Good problem-solving skills
A positive view of self and outlook on life

Action Step: Leave a comment below about what helps you be resilient. Choose to do things on a daily basis that add meaning to your life.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Emotional Strength, Meaning, Resilience, Stress

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How to Be a Positive Force in Your Life

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (2)

Monday, March 22nd, 2010

Sometimes we feel stuck. Life is not going the way we hoped or planned. If you are struggling with a problem and are searching for more satisfaction and meaning in your life, you need to know that life can be more fulfilling. In spite of what critics of Positive Psychology say, there is value in some of the information and research that is getting out to people.

As with many movements or new information, there needs to be questions asked and more studies done to verify the results. However, at this time, there are some things that have been proven to be helpful. For instance, having a positive outlook on situations or seeing the glass as half-full opens your thinking. You are able to see not only the negative things but also opportunities. I call this mindset an “inspired” mindset.

An inspired mindset can help you be happier and more successful in your life.

Join me March 23rd, at 8:00pm (EDT) for a f.r.e.e. audio teleclass to learn to Be a Positive Force in Your Life and the Life of Others. Learn to :

Believe in yourself.
Focus on where to put your energy.
Positively impact others.
Be resilient, and
Work smarter.

Curious about getting started? Great! Go to http://pattencoaching.com/be-a-positive-force-teleclass-series/ for more information.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Life Satisfaction, Meaning, Mindset, Positive Psychology

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A Key Ingredient to Be Healthy

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (0)

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Most people try to lead a healthy life. They may have a habit here or there that is not the healthiest thing to do, but they are not actively trying to shorten their life.

Recent research points to several things that make us healthier. Some of these are things most of us know and try to do. For instance:

Decrease stressful thoughts as much as possible.
Decrease negative emotions that get you stuck.
Increase self-control as often as you can.

In the June 15th issue of the journal of Psychosomatic Medicine, a key ingredient for being healthy and living a long life was to have a sense of purpose. The study indicated that this was true regardless of a person’s sex, age, education and race.

The study also suggested that when you are not setting goals and actively working toward them, your mortality risks increase. This also tends to be true if there are not aspects of your daily life that you enjoy.

You may be wondering what having a sense of purpose actually does for you.

Think about how you feel when you are clear about something you want to do. Having a clear sense of purpose helps make your life meaningful. You make sense out of the events happening in your life, learn from them, and choose additional behaviors and activites that continue to make your life fulfilling.

More research needs to be done to fully understand how having goals and a sense of purpose add to longevity. At this time researchers suggest that when you have a higher purpose, your level of stress hormones decrease. Your heart health and your immune system also improve.

What gives your life purpose? What do you do daily that is meaningful? Can you name your top five values and know you will be doing somethings today that matches several of your values?

Action step: Think about how you would answer the above three questions. You will have more vitality and feel more fulfilled when you are clear about what gives your life purpose and meaning.

Comment below about how this key ingredient helps you achieve a life worth living.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Meaning, Purpose

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How Dissatisfied Are You With Your Work?

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (6)

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

I received a phone call this last week from a reporter that calls me occasionally when he’s working on a story line. He had been given the assignment of writing an article about job satisfaction being at an all time low. He wanted to know what I am hearing and seeing about job satisfaction.

According to a summary of the results of a recently released survey, only 45 percent of Americans are satisfied with their work. This is the lowest level ever recorded by the Conference Board research group in the 22 years of research about levels of job satisfaction. In 2008, 49 percent of the people surveyed reported satisfaction with their jobs. This means there has been a 4 percent drop in satisfaction this last year.

The report finds employees younger than 25 with the lowest levels of satisfaction. About 64 percent of them were unhappy with their jobs. Younger workers seem to have fewer opportunitites now and lower wages.

The most satisfied employees were in the age range of 25 to 34. About 53 percent were unhappy with their job. Perhaps this group sees some opportunities for advancement as baby boomers begin to retire.

The Conference Board report found employee unhappiness for the following reasons:

Fewer employees consider their jobs interesting.
Incomes have not kept up with inflation.
The soaring cost of health insurance has eroded employees’ pay checks.

Economists are worried that this dissatisfaction trend could decrease innovation and hurt America’s competitiveness and productivity. It also could decrease employees willingness to share their knowledge and skills with each other.

Some employees are just sitting this out and not engaging in what they are doing. Yet, we know from research on happiness that engagement is an important way to feel fulfilled and satisfied. I see many people who are waiting for the economy to improve. When that happens, they plan to leave their job for something more interesting.

Downsizing takes a toll on morale. Emotions are contagious. This is an important time for companies and organizations to improve communication and be honest with people. Keeping the environment positive is important.

Empolyees are also responsible for determining what they should be doing to be the most engaged and productive at work. They can take steps to be realistic yet have a positive outlook in the work setting as they find things to be grateful for.

Fortunately, there are companies out there that are trying to do something about increasing their employees satisfaction with work. I hope you are lucky enough to be working for one of these companies. They see this as a time to offer training that would be meaningful to employees. They look for other ways to give incentives and build morale.

What do you think needs to be done to increase employees satisfaction and engagement? What path needs to be taken to make it happen?

Leave your comment below.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Job Satisfaction, Meaning

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How Do You Want This Year To Be?

Posted by: Maurine Patten | Comments (0)

Monday, January 4th, 2010

Welcome to another New Year! What are your projections for yourself in your personal life and career for this year? Research in Positive Psychology suggests that how you think about yourself and your situation will impact your results.

Before you decide what you hope for or what you want to be optimistic about this year, you need to discover what is important to you. Whatever turns out to be important to you at this time in your life determines your values. Being able to live out your values brings happiness and meaning to your life.

To discover what is most importnat to you or what will make your life more meaningful, complete each of the following sentence stems six to eight times. Write a different ending each time you say the stem. Use whatever comes to mind without judging your response. If you can’t think of something, invent a response.

One of the things that is important to me is …..
One of the things I hope for this year is ……
One of the things I’m optimistic about is ……

Look back at your responses for each stem. Are most of the things that are important to you reflected in what you hope for or are optimistic about? If not, what can you add or change to make it reflect your values.

As you look at your responses, write down several things you learned or what surprised you. What pattern, if any, do you see?

The last step is to translate one or two of your hopes into goals with action steps. What are some of the initial things you need to do to make this hope a reality? Following your action steps will move you forward with confidence. You can also do the same for one or two things you are optimistic about.

Meaning Centered Counseling (MCC) which is based on Positive Psychology usues an intervention referred to as ABCD to keep you on the right track. As you progress through the year:

A – Accept what cannot be changed.
B – Believe and affirm that your life can change for the better; positive meaning can be discovered no matter how negative the circumstances.
C – Commit yourself to responsible actions regardless how you feel.
D – Discover the positive and reinforcing effect of following through with ABC.

Following the above suggestions will make this year more meaningful and fulfilling. See this time as an opportunity for you. How you approach the beginning of the year will have a lasting affect on how the rest of the year will be for you.

To your success,

Maurine

Categories : Goals, Hope, Meaning, Optimism, Positive Psychology

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