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Maurine Patten, Certified Mentor Coach is committed to helping you access the inner power of your mind to live a life of competency, personal freedom, meaning and joyfulness.
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Monday,
February
15th,
2010
Emotional Intelligence looks at how we handle ourselves and our relationships. It is your ability to think intelligently about your feelings regarding events and how your thoughts and feelings influence your actions. In work situations, new measures of success require not only being smart, well trained, and experienced but also how well you handle yourself and others.
Research studies involving Emotional Intelligence (EI) since the mid-nineties point to the following 7 facts:
- EI is not set or innate; it can be learned.
- Need for EI increases with increased levels of responsibility.
- Moods and emotions are contagious.
- Up to 80% of life success will be determined by EI.
- EI influences success in 4 areas of life: relationships, performance, healthy and quality of life.
- EI determines who excels in any given job.
- EI is the basis for outstanding leadership.
Here are some things EI accomplishes:
- Motivates you to do your best.
- Strengthens trust to build productive relationships.
- Builds resilience to perform under pressure.
- Increases confidence and courage to make good decisions.
- Builds strength to persevere through adversity – resilience.
- Clarifies your vision to create the future.
Until we know and understand ourselves, we have little hope of being our best, let alone living life to its full potential, enjoying true life satisfaction, or helping others be their best. Improving EI helps people be more effective in their career and have a more fulfilling personal life.
Action Step: Once you know what your EI is in several areas, practice new behaviors in a supportive environment. Be open to honest feedback for your continued awareness and skill building.
To your success,
Maurine
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Friday,
December
11th,
2009
Are you able to inspire people? This means after listening to you, they will feel motivated to think, feel or do something that you both value or feel is important.
Relationships become more important as you assume more responsibility. One of the necessary skills in managing your relationships is being able to influence others. You may not think of yourself as someone who is inspiring or you may want to be more inspiring.
Inspiration often begins with a time of quiet reflection about nagging questions. There may be feelings of anxiety and confusion. You want to address the questions and feelings that block access to pasion. For inspiration to truly happen, the vision has to be spelled out to others in a compelling style by including important values and benefits.
In addition, individuals who inspire:
- Involve others to look at the reality and the ideal vision. What needs to happen in the gap?
- Are good listeners and draw on the collective wisdom of others.
- Connect with people’s emotional centers as well as intellectually.
Using some of the above tips will help you inspire others to “buy into” your ideas or plan.
Action step: Who do you want to inspire? Try several of these tips. Notice the feeling that is created.
Comment on how this worked for you? What other tips work for you?
To your success,
Maurine
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Saturday,
December
5th,
2009
Are you tired of feeling like you are just going through the motions in life – especially during holiday times? How would things be different if you felt excited or passionate about your life?
Feeling engaged in what you are doing is one of the three types of happiness described in A Primer in Positive Psychology (2006) by Christopher Peterson. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyl refers to it as flow.
Engagement is being involved in activities that attract and hold your attention. Athletes refer to it as “being in the zone.” Others say it is being focused. Characteristics of being engaged are:
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Having high levels of concentration and focus
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Being unaware of feelings in the moment
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Feeling invigorated afterwards
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Losing track of time
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Using your strengths
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Living your values
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Being authentic
Being engaged in an activity creates positive emotions afterwards that build psychological resources. It can be thought of as psychological capital that will build your cognitive and behavioral repertoire for future actions.
Being engaged helps you manage stressful areas in your life by creating positive emotions that can undo the physiological effects of negative emotions, such as anxiety. Cognitively, you experience enhanced verbal fluency and attention, increased openness to information, and greater working memory when you are engaged.
Engagement can be experienced at any age level and in all kinds of activities. Whether at work or play, the activities are often perceived as voluntary. You do not have to be an expert to be engaged in what you are doing. You can get very focused when you are curious and learning something new.
Action Step: Find something this holiday season that you are curious about or interested in. Focus on being absorbed in the present moment and enjoy what you are doing.
Comment below on what kind of things you find yourself getting engaged in and what that does for you.
To your success,
Maurine
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Friday,
November
27th,
2009
Information from over ten years of research in the areas of Positive Psychology and Positive Organizational Psychology are being used in businesses and organizations to create Strategic Optimism.
Strategic Optimism means having a positive expectation for the future that contributes to flourishing and well-being. Human flourishing is described as the sum of positive emotions, positive actions and positive meaning.
Kim Cameron outlines four strategies in his book, “Positive Leadership: Strategies for Extraordinary Performance” (2008) that directly contribute to flourishing and Strategic Optimism:
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Positive Climate
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Positive Communication
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Positive Relationships
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Positive Meaning
Optimism is part of Emotional Intelligence which can be learned. It helps you be more effective in your career and have a more fulfilling personal life. Research shows the benefits of optimism to be linked to:
- Perseverance
- Good morale and popularity
- Effective problem solving
- Academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success
- Positive mood
- Good health and a long life
You may be wondering what role negativity or pessimism has. Research indicates that it can lead to:
- Depression
- Passivity
- Failure
- Social estrangement
However, there is a type of pessimism called Defensive Pessimism which is a strategy some people use when they are anxious. It can help manage their anxiety so they can be more productive. It does this by lowering their expectations to help them prepare for the worst. When doing this, they play through all the bad things that might happen. This helps them focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively. If they try to raise their expectations or avoid playing through a worst-case analysis, their anxiety increases, and their performance suffers.
In addition, there really are bad things that can happen in the world. Denying them or their importance is not helpful. When they occur, people need the courage it will take to get through the difficulty. That is a time for giving encouragement.
Strategic Optimism sets high expectations that actively lets you avoid thinking much about negative things that might happen. This allows you to take action on your goals. If strategic optimists set lower expectations or play through possible outcomes too much, their anxiety increases, and their performance decreases.
Moods and emotions are contagious. They impact leadership, job performance, decision making, creativity, turnover, teamwork and negotiations. The kind of optimism that is most beneficial for leaders is referred to as Strategic Optimism. It works best when anxiety is low or not present. Leaders need to be positive when the future can be changed by being Strategically Optimistic.
Action Step: Think about the next several weeks. What is one thing that may be challenging? Write down 3 positive expectations or ways you will benefit from completing the challenge. Then begin to think of the steps you need to take to successfully handle the challenge.
Comment below on how this mindset works for you.
To your success,
Maurine
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We all ask questions on a daily basis. Some questions you direct to others and some to yourself. If you want to get the best answer to your questions, you need to be sure you have asked the right questions.
A good question provides the information you need and satisfies three requirements. Each question:
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Must be specific and clear so that an accurate answer is possible.
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Needs to be simple or have only one part. Compound questions are confusing because one part may be true and the other part false. Usually your intuition will only answer the first part.
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Needs to be directly relevant to the issue you want to know about. When you want to know if ABC Corporation stock is a good investment, instead of asking if ABC Corporation is a good company, ask if it will be a good investment over a given time period.
In her book, Change Your Questions Change Your Life (2004), Marilee Adams, PhD. believes you can change your future by asking the right questions.
As you go through life, you need to choose words that are solution rather than blame or problem focused when asking yourself or others questions. To practice, try using some of the following questions with yourself to keep you moving forward in your personal and professional life:
- What do I want? Creates self-awareness.
- What can I learn from this? Creates self-awareness.
- What am I responsible for? Creates self-awareness, self-control and confidence.
- What is the other person thinking, feeling, needing, and wanting? Creates empathy.
- What is possible? Creates motivation.
- What are my choices? Creates self-awareness.
- What is the best thing for me to do now? Creates self-control.
- Is this feeling related to the current situation, or is it related to some old situation, person, or feeling? Creates self-awareness and self-control.
- What are the consequences? Creates self-control.
- What other information do I need? Creates self-control and motivation.
If you slightly reword some of the above questions, they can be helpful to other people also.
Action step: If change and action are what you are looking for, asking more powerful questions can alter your perception and attitude. Try this with yourself, and see how it helps you get results.
What you can learn by asking powerful questions? Comment below.
To your success,
Maurine
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Saturday,
November
14th,
2009
Are you confused or curious about what Positive Psychology is and how it can be helpful to you?
The term Positive Psychology was basically unknown eight years ago. Today there are numerous books, newspaper and magazine articles mentioning how you can be happier and live a meaningful life based on the scientific research findings from Positive Psychology. In fact, as with most things that are being taken seriously, there are now critics of Positive Psychology publishing books and writing articles that question the validity of some of the findings.
As with any emerging field, you may have questions concerning how to apply the latest research about what makes life worth living.
Chris Peterson, author of A Primer In Positive Psychology (2006) states that Positive Psychology is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living. Remember, this does not imply that you should ignore or dismiss real problems that you might be experiencing, e.g., losing your job, an illness, relationship problems etc. It is not a recycled version of the power of positive thinking or a sequel to The Secret. Also, it is not to be confused with untested self-help ideas.
So far, Positive Psychology research is impressive. Peterson mentions some things in a 2008 Psychology Today blog post that have been learned in the last several years about having a meaningful life:
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Happiness is a cause of good things in life. It leads to desirable outcomes at school and work, fulfilling relationships, good health and a long life.
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Happiness, strengths of character and good relationships can buffer damaging effects of disappointments and setbacks.
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A crisis reveals your character.
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Other people matter in making life worthwhile.
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Work is important when you are engaged in what you are doing. Engagement provides meaning and purpose.
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Money can buy happiness when it is spent on others.
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On good days, you feel autonomous, competent and connected to others.
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Faith is important.
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The Good Life can be taught.
The Good Life is one type of happiness in which you are using your strengths and are focused or engaged in what you are doing. Positive Psychology research shows that this can be taught and how to do it. When I am working with clients on this area, pre and post-assessments indicate gains over a three month period. Because achieving a life worth living requires work, it helps to have a guide or coach who can support you during the learning process.
The important thing for you to know is that having a more satisfying and meaningful life is now an option. This is an exciting time to be living. Find the support you need to be successful in achieving a life worth living.
Action Step: When reading about Positive Psychology, choose one idea or exercise and practice that for a month. Notice if you are calmer, feeling more engaged in the things that are important to you and hopeful about your life. If one exercise does not seem to work for you, try another one. Comment below on your experience with Positive Psychology.
To your success,
Maurine
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Friday,
November
6th,
2009
Can you name ten positive emotions? You might find it easier to name ten negative emotions because there are many more words for negative emotions than there are for positive emotions.
Barbara Fredrickson, a leading scholar in Positive Psychology research and author of the book Positivity (2009), focuses on ten positive emotions that affect daily life. While there are other positive emotions, they do not have the impact on your life like the top ten do.
The list begins with the most frequently experienced positive emotion and moves to those emotions that are more infrequently experienced. As you read the following list, be thinking about when the last time was that you experienced that emotion. You may find that there are some emotions you rarely experience:
1. Love – In the right setting, love combines all of the following emotions. This aspect of love is what makes it such a powerful feeling. It can come in surges and change you physiologically by increasing oxytocin and progesterone levels. These increases have been linked with the ability to form lifelong bonds, trust, and intimacy. Love makes you more resilient and able to handle stress better.
2. Joy - It can happen in an instant or build over time. When you feel joyful, you feel safe. There is no anxiety holding you back. You feel a lightness and inner glow which spreads to those around you.
3. Gratitude - This is a feeling of appreciation about something in your life. It has a way of opening your heart. Often it makes you want to do something good for someone in return. Feelings of gratitude also help you be gracious to others.
4. Serenity – This feeling is more low-key than joy. It is also similar in that you need to feel safe before you can feel serene. You may find yourself savoring the situation you are in when you are serene. It is as if you are soaking up the experience.
5. Interest – This emotion is somewhat like curiosity. You are more attentive and open to learning. You feel safe enough to explore options and build your skills. It also enhances motivation and learning.
6. Hope – This emotion is often felt when you are not feeling safe and things may be uncertain. Hope energizes you to be proactive and work to make your life meaningful. Hope can increase your resilience.
7. Pride – This emotion is felt when something you do well is valued by society. Pride and humility are a winning combination which can help you persevere on more difficult tasks. Some good self-management skills will prevent you from becoming too prideful.
8. Amusement – This emotion is usually felt when something unexpected happens. As long as you feel safe, you might even find yourself laughing. Humor and laughter can help you change your perspective. This is useful when you are in situations you cannot control.
9. Inspiration – Human excellence is inspiring. When you experience it, you are drawn in and want to do your best. Unfortunately, sometimes inspiration can make people resentful or envious. It is your choice whether or not you respond to excellence positively or negatively. Hopefully, you will choose to respond positively and be inspired.
10. Awe – This emotion is felt when you see goodness on such a large scale that you are inspired by its greatness. It is so hard to absorb that it can make you feel small. Awe is usually a reaction to something positive, but it can also be a reaction to something horrific.
Action Step: Look for times in your life that you experience these ten positive emotions. Focus on one emotion for a week. Keep a log of times you feel that emotion; describe the situation and your feelings. Savor the feeling when you experience it.
Post a comment below about what some of these positive emotions mean to you.
To your success,
Maurine
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Friday,
October
30th,
2009
Many people have been affected by the downward spiral of our country’s financial sector. While some indicators are looking more stable, unemployment is still a big concern. It may be difficult to be resilient with the holidays approaching. The world may not seem to be the stable place it once was.
We are in a time of transition. It is as if we have entered a new race in which we are striving to redefine normal. Perhaps it is time to look at life as if the race were a marathon - not a sprint.
Preparing for a marathon requires different skills than preparing for a sprint. We can learn something by applying what happens in each of the three stages of a transition: Ending, Middle and New Beginning. You may find yourself at different stages and moving through a transition at different speeds, similar to running a marathon.
Stage 1 – Ending. Endings can shake your belief that life is predictable, fair and controllable. They may mean unlearning ways of doing things that are familiar. The world may feel like it is no longer a benign place. When running a marathon, this is a time you change your behavior to make time to prepare for the race. Old routines change to make time for training to get fit.
Action Step: Find time to train or practice even though you might like to just put on your running shoes and go. Identify your losses, such as old ways of thinking, acting and routines to get in condition. How do you need to think and act differently?
Stage 2 - Middle. There is little that feels comfortable or clear during this stage. Feelings of confusion can cause doubt and anxiety. Likewise, in the middle of a marathon, it is easy to lose concentration and energy. Yet, this is a time of creativity, opportunity and development. There is a need for direction and answers to help you with the reorientation that is taking place. It has been described as the winter before the spring.
Action Step: Build in structure. It helps provide strength. Realistic, short-range goals and check-points along the way help decrease confusion and keep you in the race. Improved communication lines can lead to innovative ideas that enhance resilience and moving on to stage three.
Stage 3 – New Beginning. You begin to have a new understanding about who you are and your situation. Just as you approach the end of a marathon, there is renewed energy and commitment to completing it. Finishing it becomes part of your new identity and affects your values and attitudes.
Action Step: Identify what is important to you so you will be clear about your values. Develop a clear picture of the outcome you want. Look within yourself as well as outside yourself to determine the things that help you be responsive and persistent. Self-awareness is essential during during a transition, just as it is when you are running a race. Choose to be authentic in what you say and do. Live your life out of your values and a strong sense of purpose.
No matter what stage you are in during a transition or race, it is important to be resilient. What will it take for you to be healthy and persevere? The answers will be different for each of you because you are unique. Hopefully, you are keeping your eyes and ears tuned to those things that keep you in the marathon and committed to completing it.
I invite you to use the box below for your questions and comments.
To your success,
Maurine
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Tuesday,
October
27th,
2009
In my last post, I listed six words that give you clues about how ready you are to achieve a life worth living:
1. Wish 3. Want 5. Will
2. Can 4. Need 6. Should
Let us look at what you can learn about yourself or someone else when you use these words.
The word wish means there is something you long for or desire. Usually, it also means that you have an underlying belief that there is a high probability it will not happen. It is what is called a “long-shot.” You might say, “I wish I could achieve a life worth living.” When you hear this, notice that it seems off in the distance and not likely it will happen. Maybe you do not have the ability or the resources to make it happen.
The word can indicates you believe you have the ability to do what you are thinking about doing. This is a necessary ingredient. It is a word you want to hear. It is like a green light that indicates you want to look for more. You might say, “I can achieve a life worth living.” This is clearly stronger than wish. However, do not stop at this point. It is not enough. There are many things people can do that do not happen.
The word want is a good word. It can indicate a desire like wishing does. However, it is a stronger word than wish. The problem with want is that you can have many of them. It does not tell you if you have the ability or the motivation necessary to accomplish what you want. Notice how you feel, when you say, “I want to achieve a life worth living.” Does it match your most important values?
The word need is a strong word because it implies something that is required, strongly desired or a necessity. You will be motivated to take action when you hear this word because it usually matches one or more of your top values (what is most important to you in your life.) Notice how you feel, when you say, “I need to achieve a life worth living.” If you truly need something, you will feel it when you say it.
The word will indicates action. Notice what is different for you when you say, “I will achieve a life worth living.” Usually this means you know you have the ability, or you will learn how to accomplish your goal. There is a feeling of confidence underlying the statement and a readiness to take action. The next step is to develop the plan if it is not already done.
The final word is should. Notice how you feel when you say, “I should achieve a life worth living.” Should is one of the most negative words in the English language. It is a de-motivator and tends to create guilt. It strongly indicates you do not want to do whatever it is you were thinking about doing. This is a good word to work on eliminating from your vocabulary. You will find you can usually substitute one of the other words on this list and be emotionally healthier.
As you you can see, there is no one correct way to answer the question, “Are you ready to achieve a life worth living?” One of the above words can be used alone or several can be combined to make the statement even stronger. Of the six options, you have four that can be used alone – want, need, can, and will. Of these four, will is the strongest because it indicates commitment which implies ability.
Action step: Practice listening to yourself when you are making a decision. Use this information to help you know how ready you are to say yes to something. Listen when others are talking about their plans. You will have a better idea about how important something is to them and how ready they are to take action.
To your success,
Maurine
PS Let me know in the comment box below what you notice when you try this.
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