Empathy is a critical skill because it creates understanding which is necessary to get along with others, especially those from different backgrounds and cultures.  Without empathy it is difficult to make intelligent decisions.

When there is empathy, there is a blending of emotional states between two people which can create a feeling of connection referred to as “resonance” or harmony.  During this time, feelings and ideas are thoughtfully considered and expressed appropriately. 

Empathy includes good listening skills which tune into both the verbal and non-verbal messages.  This means you need to understand what people are thinking and feeling.  Also, it includes being able to understand why they think or feel that way.

Individuals with a high level of empathy:

• Are attentive and listen well.
• Are sensitive and understand others’ perspectives.
• Help out based on understanding people’s needs and feelings.

The other two areas will be discussed in my next posts.

Action Step:  When you are in a conversation with someone, practice listening for the idea(s) as well as how the person feels about the topic.  It is not necessary for you to agree with the points that are made.  You are listening to understand what is being discussed and the feelings about the subject.

To your success,

Maurine

Emotional Intelligence is learned with practice over time.  There are three competencies in the Social Awareness domain of EI:

1. Empathy
2. Organizational awareness
3. Service

Empathy is the most important competency in Social Awareness.  It includes:

• Good listening skills which tune into both verbal and non-verbal messages.
• Being able to take another person’s perspective which is not the same as agreement.

When there is empathy, there is a blending of emotional states between two people which creates a connection referred to as “resonance” or harmony.  This connection motivates others.  Feelings and ideas are thoughtfully considered in order to make intelligent decisions.  Then, they are expressed appropriately.

Empathy is a critical skill because it creates understanding which is necessary in order to get along with others, especially those from different backgrounds and cultures.  Individuals with a high level of empathy:

• Are attentive and listen well.
• Are sensitive and understand the perspective of others.
• Help out based on understanding people’s needs and feelings. 

Organizational awareness involves “reading” the unspoken rules that operate in groups, organizations, and work.  In addition, it involves the underlying guiding values.  Sometimes this kind of awareness is referred to as being politically astute.  It is a valued asset for leaders. 

When you are organizationally aware, you can detect social networks and can understand the dynamics in key relationships.  Individuals with a high level or organizational awareness:

• Are aware of the political and social atmosphere in an organization.
• Sense the developmental needs of others and help them reach their potential.

In the work area, Service means being willing to carefully monitor customer/client satisfaction to determine whether or not they are getting what they need.  In other areas of your life, it can mean helping others.  Individuals with a high level of service:

• Are willing to make themselves available when necessary to improve customer/client satisfaction or to help others.
• Anticipate, recognize, and meet the needs of customers or others in your life.
• Seek ways to increase customers’ loyalty and others by building trust.

Social Awareness has been referred to as being like a social radar.  It means developing a deep understanding of the needs of others and goals which increase trust and loyalty.

To be socially aware, you need to:

• Be a good listener in order to understand the feelings and perspectives of others.
• Be tolerant and cultivate opportunities with diverse people.
• Read the political and social currents in an environment.
• Happily offer appropriate assistance to others.

Action Step:  Which of these areas are you the strongest in, and where do you need to improve?  It is possible to increase you ability in each of these areas with practice.  A coach or mentor can be an asset in building this competency.

Check out “a coaching opportunity strategy call.”  Go to the  Resources tab above and click on “Strategy Session” for more information.

To your success,

Maurine

There will be a time though when you are listening to someone who has a problem.  Being a good listener is especially important when someone has problems to talk about.  You might think of him or her as being stuck in a mud hole.  When this happens, it is important for you to know about threee different listening approaches: 

1. Sympathy – If you are sympathetic, you might have a feeling of concern without becoming involved.  It is feeling sorry for the person in the mud hole as you stand off to the side.  Maybe you send supplies.  Although concerned, you remain apart.  A close meaningful relationship is not established.  Sometimes this is appropriate and all you can offer.
2. Over-identification - If you are over-identifying with the person who has the problem, you are taking on the feelings and characteristics of that person to the point that the problem becomes yours.  It involves jumping into the mud hole and possibly getting as mired in the difficulty as the person you are listening to.  When this occurs, you can lose yourself in the relationship.  Then you are no longer able to be objective.
3. Empathy – If you are showing empathy for the person in the mud hole, you are feeling the problem as if it is yours without taking it on yourself.  It does not mean you agree with everything the person is thinking or feeling but that you are able to see things from his or her perspective.  You keep your own reality while understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns.  You get involved while maintaining control of yourself.  Empathy is an important aspect of Emotional Intelligence and critical for building trust.

Being a good listener is an active process that puts care into action.  It is a skill that requires practice, especially when there are problems.  We listen to show caring, to learn new information, and to understand rather than force conformity.  Attentive listeners observe, acknowledge, encourage, check out, interpret, and sometimes agree to disagree.

Action Step:  When someone wants to talk with you about a problem, set a time that works for both of you.  Eliminate distractions, monitor your nonverbal signals so that they match your words.  Show respect and be comfortable with times of silence.  Ask appropriate questions and strive to be an empathetic listener.

Maurine

• Rally people around a worthy goal.
• Use your self-awareness to stay in touch with the truth about yourself and your feelings.
• Use self-management to express your emotions appropriately.
• Empathize with others; this does not mean you have to agree with them.
• Be energetic and enthusiastic.

The most effective leadership or management style will use a combination of EI and IQ or cognitive ability.  IQ tends to be set; EI is not.  While learning to improve EI is self-directed, it cannot be done in isolation.   In addition, it is learned through practice, feedback, and repetition over time. 

Coaching is an ideal way to provide a safe context for change to occur and to  prepare people to be highly effective leaders.  Often as people are promoted into management positions, it is difficult to get honest feedback about the effectiveness of their leadership style.  Employees instinctively want to please their boss and are hesitant to give negative feedback.  Unfortunately, this decreases self-awareness and effective leadership development.  In contrast, the coaching process provides essential feedback for continued awareness and skill building.

To sum up the last three posts on what it takes to be highly valued as a leader, leaders must:

• Be self-aware.
• Manage themselves appropriately.
• Have empathy with their employees.

To do this, leaders need a safe space for learning and feedback which is focused on emotional and intellectual learning.  Change occurs through a process which affects individuals, teams, and the organization’s culture.  Coaching supports and enriches the process.

What do you do to create your safe space for continued learning and feedback?