If you were asked if you wanted to achieve a life worth living, you would probably respond, “Of course, I do.” Notice that i asked a different question. I asked if you were ready.

Individuals may want many things. However, that does not mean they will be motivated to do what needs to be done to achieve what they want.

So, how can you know if you are ready to do something?

Begin by listening to yourself and the words you use when you are talking about what you want to do. There are six words that give you clues as to how ready you are to take action:

1. Wish
2. Can
3. Want
4. Need
5. Will
6. Should

In my next post, you will find out what you can learn about yourself or someone else when each of these words is used.

In the meantime, notice how you feel when you hear yourself saying these words. You may feel anxious, confident, motivated, scared, guilty, brave, strong, weak, or a combination of some of these words.

Action step: Let me know what you discover.

To your success,

Maurine

• Being able to feel and give love – belonging.
• Having and pursuing goals that allow you to use your strengths – being engaged or experiencing flow. 

This post describes the third and final condition described by Jonathan Haidt in his book The Happiness Hypothesis, 2006.  This condition is:

•  Know that you are making a contribution to something greater than yourself. 

This might be a political or faith issue or a cause that is important to you.  It might be something you do in your professional life or in your personal life.  You might be volunteering in the community or active in your church or place of worship.  You may be coaching a sports team or involved with scouting for your children. 

What you choose in this area will depend on your interests and values.  It is something that allows you to use your strengths as you strive to make the world a better place.  It provides you the opportunity to live your values by actively participating in something that is important to you.

By establishing the following three conditions, life becomes more meaningful:

1. Connect with others showing compassion.
2. Use your strengths in your professional and/or personal life.
3. Make choices that contribute to something greater than yourself.

In summary, to bring a sense of fulfillment and meaning in your life, commit to getting the right relationship between:

• Yourself and others,
• Yourself and your work or environment,
• Yourself and something larger than yourself. 

Happiness will follow.  It is a by-product of the choices you are making.

Action Step:  To make your life more meaningful, what steps will you take now to establish these conditions?

To your success,

Maurine

The second important condition is having and using goals that allow you to use your strengths to create states of flow or engagement.  This is often referred to as a need for competence or mastery.  Pursuing goals allows you to become competent by interacting with or controlling your environment.  It is why you get more pleasure from making progress toward a goal rather than achieving it.

Choices you make while you are pursuing your goals can help you experience more meaning in your life when they engage your strengths. 

For example, Ann realized that she could use her strengths of creativity and love of beauty to take flowers from her garden to a shut-in during the summer.  Recently retired, Mike was not using his strengths of fairness and leadership. He joined a committee to create a handbook for new residents at his retirement facility.  These choices have helped both of them experience more meaning in their lives because they are engaging their strengths.

It is possible to experience meaning in your “work” or what you do.  How you view your work will determine how meaningful it will be to you.  If you feel your work is a calling rather than a job or career, you will feel more fulfilled.  It might be having a career, volunteering, being a student, or a full-time parent. 

Whatever you call “work” gives you the opportunity to meet the basic drive of “making things happen” or achieving your goals.  If it allows you to use some of your strengths, it will make your life even more meaningful.

Action Step:  Discover your strengths if you do not already know them.  You can ask people you trust what they think your strengths are.  You can take the VIA Signature Strengths Inventory at http://www.authentichappiness.org (free).  Determine how to use several of your strengths every day.

My next post will give you the third condition necessary to have a meaningful life.

To your success,

Maurine

Most people want their life to be meaningful.  Sometimes they are successful.  Things just seem to fall into place.  Other times they may struggle finding what will give them that special feeling of meaning.

Adolescence is a time of life when you first begin to ponder where you are going and why.  Times of transition and change can be an opportunity for creating a new sense of meaning in your life.  As you get older, you may wonder why some people live lives full of zest, commitment, and meaning while others drift along feeling life is meaningless.

First consider the conditions that are necessary to give meaning “within” life.  How would you answer the following two questions?

1. How do I want to live?
2. What choices do I need to make to have a happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life?

How you answer these two questions indicates whether you will live passionately or withdraw from life and its challenges.  After much research and study, Jonathan Haidt describes three conditions needed for feelings of meaning and fulfillment to exist (The Happiness Hypothesis, 2006).  This post discusses the first of the three conditions.

Haidt found that one of the most important conditions necessary for you to flourish is love.  It begins in the early stages of life in the form of parental love.  Love is necessary so that you will form attachments that help you feel secure and brave enough to explore life during childhood and adolescence.

In addition, everyone needs to belong.  A sense of belonging is necessary for healthy self-esteem.  As adults, experiencing passionate and compassionate love can lead to “true” love in marriages and relationships.  “True” love is defined as compassionate love between two people who are committed to each other with some passion added.

Some of the benefits of healthy relationships are a stronger immune system, a speedy recovery after surgery, and a lower risk of depression and anxiety problems.  As a single person, compassionate love is shown to others with similar benefits, being healthier, and happier.

Action Step:  Write out your answer to the above 2 questions.  List the places you feel like you belong.  Share your answers with a trusted friend.

More to come in my next post.

To your success, 

Maurine

The choices you make in how you spend your leisure time can increase your level of happiness and enrich your participation in the flow of life.  According to Martin Seligman, a leading authority on happiness research, leisure time can also make your life more meaningful.

Having time for leisure is a basic human need.  Leisure can be defined as an opportunity for engagement and/or meaning in personally satisfying activities outside of your work or career.  For lots of people, it might be playing golf, baseball, biking, or grilling and inviting friends over.  For me, it is kayaking.

Leisure activities:

• Recharge your body.
• Stimulate your mind.
• Enrich your spirit.

Life without leisure depletes you quickly because the rhythm of life is broken.  When you are in a “crunch” time, you have to stick with something to meet a deadline.  Whether this time period is short (a few days) or long (several months), it takes perseverance and good self-management skills to get through it.  During crunch times, you look forward to the time you can balance work and leisure again to re-establish your rhythm which is necessary for good health.

The benefits of leisure are many:

• Allows you to connect with others and reflect on the meaning of your life.
• Helps you to live your dreams and make important contributions which make your life meaningful.
• Helps you appreciate the present moment and beauty around you.
• Increases motivation, concentration, self-confidence, and creativity.
• Increases happiness, gratefulness, and serenity.

All leisure activities are not the same.  Some are active and increase flow, i.e. games, sports, hobbies, socializing, and reading an interesting book.  Other leisure activities are passive and can create apathy and depression because they do not require much skill and are not challenging, i.e. routinely watching television more than four hours a day and negative thinking.

It is assumed that it takes no skill to enjoy free time.  However, evidence suggests that free time can be more difficult to enjoy than work.  How to use leisure effectively can be stressful.  Some people get anxious when there is unstructured time to fill.  If this happens to you, give yourself permission to learn how to enjoy your free time.  Break the time into smaller time frames at first until you are more comfortable.

The choices you make in how to spend your leisure time can have the potential to recharge you.  It can mean:

• Active social interaction and/or spectator participation.
• Finding ways for creative expression.
• Intentional intellectual stimulation.
• Appropriate physical activity.
• Learning activities which expand your perspective.

Action Step:  Decide which benefits of leisure are important to you.  Choose activities that will match your values with the benefits you desire.  Ideally, set aside time daily to do a leisure activity.  If the activity is more time consuming, save time in your weekly schedule for having fun. 

The choice is yours.  Enjoy!

Maurine

Young adults often look to work to help define their identity.  Many hours are spent at work which easily translates into being needed and often appreciated.  Older adults, especially those approaching retirement, look to religion and/or spirituality as a means of redefining who they are.

In both cases, what is important is the feeling that you “matter” or count.  Feeling needed, appreciated, and noticed is necessary for good mental health.  There is no right or wrong activity.  It is whether the activity engages you, uses at least one of your strengths, and makes you feel appreciated that is key.

Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist believed that an authentic life must be a journey of meaning.  We need meaning to thrive.  Without meaning, we lose our way.  What in your life makes you feel like you “matter”, gives your life meaning?

Meaning comes from using your strengths to achieve your purpose.  To experience meaning, you have to have a purpose.  Purpose can be thought of as your goal or direction.  It conveys action or movement toward something that you value.  It can be your mission, something you are passionate about, or your personal dream.  For example, your purpose might be to become the best at something that is important to you, i.e. being healthy, your work, marriage, parenting, or friend.  What is your purpose?

There are many benefits of having a purpose or goal.  It:

• Stimulates you.
• Enhances wellness.
• Activates healing powers within you.
• Motivates you.
• Fills you with energy.
• Keeps you youthful.

If you are having trouble determining your purpose, try answering these questions:

• Think back to a “younger” you.  What did you dream of doing?
• What makes you feel like you matter, feel needed or appreciated?
• What are your strengths?
• How can you use your strengths more often?
• How can you use your strengths for a purpose greater than yourself?
• If you had a business card, what would it say?

Once you know what your purpose is, choose to do things that allow you to use your strengths and live your values.  Meaningful activities are purposeful and personally fulfilling.  They may:

• Develop a skill.
• Allow you to try new ideas.
• Demand physical and emotional energy.
• Give you a vision of where you are going.
• Be profound or simple.
• Tell you what means the most to you and who your true friends are.

See if you can come up with a meaningful activity to engage in each of the following areas:

• Improve physical health.
• Improve emotional well-being.
• Improve mental well-being.
• Enhance socialization.
• Give you status in your community.

Following these guidelines, living a meaningful life is possible.  You benefit by having an enhanced sense of well-being and fulfillment.

Action Step:  What meaningful activity did you come up with for each of the 5 areas listed above?  Choose one of the activities. What steps do you need to take to pursue that activity?  When will you begin?  Add additional activities on a weekly basis.

Maurine