Negative emotions can happen to anyone at any time. When you get caught up in negative emotions, you will find it difficult to solve problems, think of solutions, or have the energy you need to change your situation. Obviously, if you get stuck in this position, you will not be productive.

Sometimes it is appropriate to let yourself feel the negative emotion for a brief period of time. The trick is being able to name the emotion so that you can release it. When you are able to release the emotion, you will find that you have energy to refocus on important things currently  going on in your life.

Here are some tips to help you acknowledge your negative feelings and then release them so that you can have the energy you need to think clearly and be successful:

• Identify and name what you are feeling.
• Identify what you are telling yourself about the problem or situation; this is what you believe about what is going on.
• How true is your belief on a 1 – 10 scale (10 being very true).
• If your belief is 6 or below,  you may be able to distract yourself by getting up and moving around.
• Tale a break. Feelings change more easily if you move your body by walking or exercising for 15 to 20 minutes.
• Change the environment if necessary.
• If your belief is 7 or higher, you need to ask yourself what the consequences are for having that belief – what the belief is costing you. You might ask yourself who you would be if you had a different belief.
• Ask yourself what evidence there is for and against having the belief.
• Ask yourself if there are other ways of thinking about the situation and/or why it happened. How would your best friend interpret it?
• Think about the best and worst case scenario and how likely it is for either one to happen.
• Ask yourself what other belief you might have that would be more empowering than your original belief.

At any time in using the above tips, you may begin to feel more energy. When that happens, you will be neutralizing the negative effect of your belief and negative feelings. You can continue the process until you actually begin to feel more energetic and ready to move forward in a meaningful direction.

Sometimes the above process is referred to as the Disputation Model of handling negative beliefs and emotions. This is because you dispute your original belief, using a questioning process with yourself to look at the situation from a different perspective.This process becomes easier if you practice it over time.

Try it yourself and let me know how it works for you.

To your success,

Maurine

You may be wondering what stress is.  For our purpose, stress is our reaction to people or things going on around us.  Sometimes these things are positive – a vacation, a promotion, or a special event.  Sometimes the things are negative – a traffic ticket, someone you care about is ill, or projects at work are not meeting deadlines.

How do you manage your mood when:

• There is too much to do and not enough time to do it in?
• People around you seem to have time to do fun things and you don’t?
• Things are happening around you that you have no control over?
• Projects at work are not meeting deadlines, and you are working longer hours?

Susan Vaughan, MD, a psychiatry professor at Columbia University states in her book, Half Empty, Half Full that optimists have the ability to feel in charge of themselves.  This does not mean everything will go well.  It means they will not be overwhelmed emotionally when things get hectic or do not go well.  It means it is easier to be resilient.

When you are not happy about how things are going in your life, you have three choices:

1. Alter - Ask yourself if you have control of the situation or if you can influence someone who does have control.  If your answer is Yes, often you can alter the situation by problem solving, direct communication, organizing and planning, or time management.  If your answer is No, altering is usually not an option.  There is no point in focusing on things you cannot change.
2. Avoid - Know what your top five values are.  Ask yourself what is most important to you.  The more you are living your values, the more satisfied you are with your life.  Saying No or removing yourself helps you to avoid tasks that will drain you.  In addition, it is necessary to know when it is appropriate to delegate tasks in a work situation.
3. Accept - When you cannot alter or avoid a situation, you may have to accept it.  In this case, you need to build your resistance by:

•  Eating healthy and exercising.
•  Practicing relaxation techniques or meditation.
•  Using positive affirmations.
•  Building your support system.
•  Taking time for intimacy. 
•  Practicing your faith or spirituality.
•  Making a commitment to something that is important to you. 

Your choice will depend upon the situation you are in.  You may have to change your perception of a situation by asking yourself if your expectations are realistic.  If not, is there another way to look at the situation, or redefine it.  You can look for an opportunity to do something else.  See the situation as temporary.  Keep it as specific as possible.  For instance, if your project is behind schedule, be specific about why it is running late.  Make appropriate adjustments.  Realize it is temporary.

When you feel your stress level increasing, remember you have three choices: alter, avoid, or accept.  To determine your best option, you also need to ask yourself two more questions:

1. What do I want to do?
2. What do I need to do?

My hope for you is that you will use these three tips to manage the stress you feel in your life.  They work.

Action Step:  The next time you feel stressed, take some time to identify where you feel the stress in your body.  Take several slow, deep breaths.  Then ask yourself what your best choice is – Alter, Avoid, or Accept.  Decide how you will implement your choice and follow through with your decision.

Maurine

At work, who is the most likely person employees will be watching?  The leader of a group has the strongest impact because people take emotional cues from the top which ripple throughout the organization’s emotional climate.  In addition, it is not just what another person does but how it is done that registers in our limbic system.  Remember from my previous post, emotions evolve from the limbic system in the brain.

Our emotions automatically shift to match the person we are with, even if the contact is nonverbal.  Daniel Goleman calls this ”entrainment” in his book, Primal Leadership (2002).  It can take place in a couple of minutes in some situations.  The more cohesive the group, the more likely moods will be shared – positive or negative.

A Yale study on moods found that moods influence how effectively people work.  A primary factor in how well an organization functions depends on how the leaders manage their moods.  We know upbeat moods increase cooperation, fairness and business performance.  Cooperative and harmonious groups reflect a higher expression of every person’s best effort and ability. 

Furthermore, how people feel about working at an organization (the climate) can influence productivity.  Low morale and lack of cooperation predict high turnover and lower productivity.  In addition, distress and worry decrease mental abilities and EI.  This makes it difficult to read the emotions of other people accurately – a skill necessary for empathy.

So what does research indicate about the work environment or climate?  Research tells us that the emotional state and actions of leaders set the climate.  They create the conditions that determine the employees’ ability to work well.  In general, leaders need to be more supportive and empathetic as work becomes more emotionally demanding as in a recession.  When leaders are negative and unmotivated, there is anxiety and dissonance which undermines morale.  When leaders are out of touch with the feelings of employees, they create dissonance also.  This causes people to feel off-balance, be easity distracted, and perform poorly. 

In contrast, emotionally intelligent leaders create resonance or harmony.  The next post will look at how they do that.

How does your mood affect your environment?  How does your boss’s mood affect you?