Life is full of options. Some are intriguing while others are confusing, messy, and discouraging. You may look for shortcuts and not find any at the time. When you feel lost, people who love you will find you. What may seem to be an impasse may end up being a stepping stone to something important.

What do you feel passionate about? When you feel passionate about something, you feel a strong, compelling desire about it. You can see it. It is meaningful to you and gives you a purpose for living. Your purpose grounds you and keeps you moving forward.

The following principles are necessary for living a life you desire:

1. Love yourself. This means enjoying your own company and making peace with who you are at this moment in time.
2. Make time for yourself so that you can listen with your heart for your purpose in life.
3. Think positively and be grateful. Remember, mistakes are opportunities to learn.
4. Build meaningful, supportive relationships that bring out the best in you.
5. Put effort into things that are important to you. Be willing to stretch yourself and move outside your comfort zone once in a while.
6. Decrease your stress level by learning to be accepting and flexible when you cannot alter or avoid difficult situations.

Having the life you desire is not about having a perfect life or all the material things you want in  life. It is much deeper than that. It has to do with knowing what is important to you and being able to take action in a positive way to achieve those things.

You have control over the choices you make. Your feelings about yourself and your life depend on your choices. Choose wisely.

Action step: Come join me for the last call Turning Disappointments into Opportunities in my FREE 3-call Teleclass Series “Be a Positive Force in Your Life and the Life of Others” Tuesday, May 18th, 8:00 pm EDT (7:00 pm CDT, 5:00 pm PDT). This last call is perfect for you if you are feeling stuck and are searching for more satisfaction and meaning in your life. You will learn:

• 2 important skills you must have.
• 3 key questions you need to ask yourself.
• How to be more resilient.

Register HERE.

To your success,

Maurine

Negative language has a profoundly negative impact on your ability to enjoy your life and to take the actions you need because a negative mindset closes you down. It decreases your energy and ability to think. Also, it can increase conflict and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In contrast, positive communication is upbeat and optimistic. A positive attitude is evident. It focuses on solutions – what you want to have happen. It is encouraging and shows caring and understanding.

In positive communication, listening is an active process and used to learn. You listen for:

• Feelings conveyed by body language and words.
• Thoughts or ideas about a situation – including what is not said.
• Attitudes – how someone is perceiving a situation?
• Opinions – what does he or she think can be done?
• Physical aspects – what does his or her posture and body language convey?
• Facts or information about a situation – when, how, who was there?
• Recurring themes, inconsistencies, contradictions in a message.

Some of the benefits of positive communication are:

• Keeps hope alive (optimism).
• Builds relationships based on participation.
• Renews faith and confidence.
• Builds trust.
• Increases team spirit and resilience.

Positive communication seeks feedback from others because self-improvement is valued. This information helps determine how to proceed with a task or situation.

Action Step: Instead of focusing on the problem, look for solutions. Practice your listening skills by using some of the different things to listen for, i.e. feelings, ideas, opinions, body language.

How do you respond to positive communication? Please respond below.

To your success,

Maurine

Before you decide what you hope for or what you want to be optimistic about this year, you need to discover what is important to you. Whatever turns out to be important to you at this time in your life determines your values. Being able to live out your values brings happiness and meaning to your life.

To discover what is most importnat to you or what will make your life more meaningful, complete each of the following sentence stems six to eight times. Write a different ending each time you say the stem. Use whatever comes to mind without judging your response. If you can’t think of something, invent a response.

• One of the things that is important to me is …..
• One of the things I hope for this year is ……
• One of the things I’m optimistic about is ……

Look back at your responses for each stem. Are most of the things that are important to you reflected in what you hope for or are optimistic about? If not, what can you add or change to make it reflect your values.

As you look at your responses, write down several things you learned or what surprised you. What pattern, if any, do you see?

The last step is to translate one or two of your hopes into goals with action steps. What are some of the initial things you need to do to make this hope a reality? Following your action steps will move you forward with confidence. You can also do the same for one or two things you are optimistic about.

Meaning Centered Counseling (MCC) which is based on Positive Psychology usues an intervention referred to as ABCD to keep you on the right track. As you progress through the year:

• A – Accept what cannot be changed.
• B – Believe and affirm that your life can change for the better; positive meaning can be discovered no matter how negative the circumstances.
• C – Commit yourself to responsible actions regardless how you feel.
• D – Discover the positive and reinforcing effect of following through with ABC.

Following the above suggestions will make this year more meaningful and fulfilling. See this time as an opportunity for you. How you approach the beginning of the year will have a lasting affect on how the rest of the year will be for you.

To your success,

Maurine

Strategic Optimism means having a positive expectation for the future that contributes to flourishing and well-being.  Human flourishing is described as the sum of positive emotions, positive actions and positive meaning.

Kim Cameron outlines four strategies in his book, “Positive Leadership: Strategies for Extraordinary Performance” (2008) that directly contribute to flourishing and Strategic Optimism:

• Positive Climate
• Positive Communication
• Positive Relationships
• Positive Meaning

Optimism is part of Emotional Intelligence which can be learned.  It helps you be more effective in your career and have a more fulfilling personal life.  Research shows the benefits of optimism to be linked to:

• Perseverance
• Good morale and popularity
• Effective problem solving
• Academic, athletic, military, occupational and political success
• Positive mood
• Good health and a long life

You may be wondering what role negativity or pessimism has.  Research indicates that it can lead to:

• Depression
• Passivity
• Failure
• Social estrangement

However, there is a type of pessimism called Defensive Pessimism which is a strategy some people use when they are anxious.  It can help manage their anxiety so they can be more productive.  It does this by lowering their expectations to help them prepare for the worst.  When doing this, they play through all the bad things that might happen.  This helps them focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively.  If they try to raise their expectations or avoid playing through a worst-case analysis, their anxiety increases, and their performance suffers.

In addition, there really are bad things that can happen in the world.  Denying them or their importance is not helpful.  When they occur, people need the courage it will take to get through the difficulty.  That is a time for giving encouragement.

Strategic Optimism sets high expectations that actively lets you avoid thinking much about negative things that might happen.  This allows you to take action on your goals.  If strategic optimists set lower expectations or play through possible outcomes too much, their anxiety increases, and their performance decreases.

Moods and emotions are contagious.  They impact leadership, job performance, decision making, creativity, turnover, teamwork and negotiations.  The kind of optimism that is most beneficial for leaders is referred to as Strategic Optimism.  It works best when anxiety is low or not present.  Leaders need to be positive when the future can be changed by being Strategically Optimistic.

Action Step:  Think about the next several weeks.  What is one thing that may be challenging?  Write down 3 positive expectations or ways you will benefit from completing the challenge.  Then begin to think of the steps you need to take to successfully handle the challenge.

Comment below on how this mindset works for you.

To your success,

Maurine 

1. Gratitude
2. Optimism
3. Zest
4. Curiosity
5. Love

Do you have these five strengths in your top ten strengths?  If you do not know your strengths, you can find out what they are by taking the Values in Action (VIA) Inventory on www.authentichappiness.org. 

The best news is that if these strengths are not high for you, you can increase them.  For instance, to increase:

1.    Gratitude - count your blessings by writing down three things you are grateful for or appreciate stating “why”.  Do this several times a week.  Be sure to do it when you are having a tough day.

2.    Optimism - practice “savoring” the joys of life instead of “stewing” on problems.  When you have a problem, be specific about who or what is involved, and stay in the present.  Stop generalizing about problems or projecting them into the future.

3.    Zest - do something that you already do but with more energy, or include some creative or different ways of doing it.  Notice an increase in energy when you are savoring even momentary pleasures.

4.    Curiosity - get more information about something you are interested in; ask questions; be open to new ideas.

5.    Love - spend time and energy with family and friends.  Strong personal relationships bring a high level of satisfaction with life.

In summary, the key to increasing your fulfillment with life is to look for novelty and opportunities to challenge yourself in each of the above strengths.  Working with a coach is a way to practice improving one or more of these strengths while keeping your stress at a level that is helpful to you.  Coaching helps hold you accountable while giving support.

Action step:  Using some of these five strengths, how can you find opportunities for novelty and challenge that will increase your level of fulfillment?

Maurine

During the last five years, there has been increasing evidence supporting the association of happiness/fulfillment with life and being able to use your strengths.  In addition, there is definitive information which tells us which strengths are necessary and the ingredients the brain needs to experience fulfillment.

Do you have these key strengths and ingredients?

First you need to know what the brain needs. 

 Gregory Berns a neuroscientist and psychiatrist at Emory University, believes the feeling of satisfaction is necessary to feel fulfilled in life.  In his book, Satisfaction: the Science of Finding True Fulfillment, he concludes that fulfillment requires two important ingredients that nature has designed our brains to crave: novelty and challenge. 

Novelty in life releases the neurotransmitter dopamine which is associated with feelings of happiness and well-being.

 Stress which is associated with a challenge releases the hormone cortisol.  In high levels, cortisone is damaging to our body mentally and physically.  However, in smaller amounts, it can elevate mood, increase concentration and improve memory making you more effective.

 When these two chemicals (dopamine and cortisol) interact, the stage is set for strong feelings of fulfillment. 

Second, research by doctors Nansook Park, Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman have found that there are five key signature/character strengths which are closely and consistently related to life satisfaction:

1. Gratitude – being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.
2. Optimism – expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it; believing that a good future is something that can be brought about.
3. Zest – approaching life with excitement and energy; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and active; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly.
4. Curiosity – taking an interest in an ongoing experience for its own sake; finding subjects and topics fascinating; exploring and discovering.
5. Love – valuing close relationships, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated; being close to people.

Action Step:  Discover whether or not these 5 strengths are in your top ten Signature Strengths.

Go to http://www.authentichappiness.org and take the VIA (Values in Action) Signature Strengths Inventory.  There is no charge.  You will have to sign in and set up a password.  It takes about 40 to 50 minutes to complete the inventory.  The inventory assesses a total of 24 strengths.

In my next post, I will give you some ways you can increase these 5 strengths if they are not in your top 10 Signature Strengths.

 Maurine

In the past, researchers believed your level of happiness was 50-80% inherited.  According to this view, everyone has a set point or range for happiness similar to height.  After a happy or sad experience, you return to your set point of happiness.

Another belief that supports the set point theory is what is called the “hedonic treadmill.”  It views both negative and positive events as only temporarily decreasing or increasing your level of happiness because you adjust to new situations over time.  This holds true if you get a new house, job, car, win the lottery or become disabled.

It is also believed that happiness may be somewhat dependent on your personality preference, i.e. introversion/extroversion.

New research from Sonya Lyubomirsky’s latest work is more optimistic about being able to increase levels of happiness.  She has discovered three factors that determine happiness:

1. Genetic – set point is stable over time (50%).
2. Life circumstances or situations you find yourself in at the time (10%).
3. Choices we make after basic needs are met (40%).

Research also indicates that exceptionally happy people are able to think of themselves, their peers and life events in ways that seem to maintain their happiness.  They react to life circumstances in adaptive ways and are more optimistic.

In contrast, unhappy people think of their situation in ways that tend to reinforce unhappiness.

Specific things that are known to increase levels of happiness and show promise of moving your set point higher over time are:

1. Being aware of your blessings and acknowledging what you are grateful for at least three to four times a week.
2. Savoring good things that happen.
3. Avoiding comparing yourself to your peers and obsessing on negative outcomes.
4. Practicing small acts of kindness to others.
5. Having self-awareness and self-management skills to set time for meditation, yoga and smiling at others.
6. Viewing negative things as temporary and specific rather than permanent and pervasive.

Do you want to increase your happiness set point and avoid the hedonic treadmill?  Aristotle said that your happiness depends on you.  The latest research indicates that the choices you make will influence 40% of your happiness. 

Action Step:  Begin to make choices that will enhance your level of happiness.  Even if your situation (career, finances or relationship) is not how you would like it to be, which of the six ideas listed above will you commit to doing in order to raise your level of happiness?  What will be your first step?

Maurine

You have a choice about how to live in an imperfect world.  Fortunately, there are things you can do to build your emotional strength and immune system.  It is our responsibility to do the best we can to keep these two systems healthy to be at our best.     Even when you cannot control a situation or influence those who do, you can choose to manage yourself.

It is possible to build your emotional strength by following these tips:

1. Identify your top three to five values.  These are things that are important to you, i.e. honesty, humor, creativity, independence, etc.  Choose to find ways to include them in your life daily.  Live your values.
2. Choose to make a plan to achieve something that is important to you each day.  Even if you only work on it for 15 minutes, it is valuable in building your self-esteem.
3. Choose to accept what cannot be changed in your life.
4. Choose to seek out what is good in yourself, in others, in things, and in situations as opposed to what is negative.
5. Choose to focus on things you are grateful for and appreciate.  By doing this, you can change your thought patterns from hopeless to hopeful.
6. Choose to believe you are not a victim if bad things have happened to you.  Victims stay stuck.
7. Choose to see yourself as a problem solver by seeking solutions.
8. Choose to be consistent in what you say and do.  This is critical in building trust with others.
9. Choose to seek out positive alternatives to reduce stress in your life.  Having fun is recharging even if it is only for a short time.

Life is rarely the way it is suppose to be.  Instead, life is the way it is.  The way you choose to cope with what cannot be changed makes the difference.  It is possible to build your emotional strength and live an engaging and meaningful life.  Look for ways to start your day well, and choose to be optimistic about its outcome.

Action step:  Choose to do one or two of the tips above today to begin building your emotional strength.

Maurine

According to the University of Chicago National Opinion Research Center, 53 percent of Americans believed most people could be trusted in 1964.  Pew Research compiled an index of public trust released in 2007.  Individuals responded to the question, “Generally speaking, would you say that most people can be trusted, or that you can’t be too careful in dealing with people?”

• 45% believed most people are trustworthy.
• 35% of all adults fell into the “high social trust” category.
• 38% fell into the “low trust” category.
• 27% were in the middle range.

How do you answer the question, “Can most people be trusted?”  If your answer is “no”, does it affect your general attitude about life?  Research indicates that lack of trust does affect your overall attitude about life.  People who lack trust tend to be pessimistic.

Positive Psychology research has found that pessimism can be harmful to your health in the following ways:

• Intellectually – slows down the thinking process making you less alert.
• Emotionally – increases negative thoughts.
• Physically – slows down response time, weakens muscles, and your immune system.

There are lots of factors that go into building trust with others, different situations, and with yourself.  Building trust requires time.  Sometimes, it is not appropriate to trust a particular person or situation.  What you do need is to be able to build your emotional strength, so that you are able to make a wise choice about who and what to trust.  In those situations where you are able to trust, you will be more optimistic about the world you live in, who you are, and what you can accomplish.

Think about how you would answer the question, “Can most people be trusted?”  What do you need to do differently to be able to answer this question with a strong “yes,”  be emotionally strong, and realistically optimistic?

Choose to accept what cannot be changed.  Put your energy into choosing to:

• See yourself as a problem solver.
• Make a plan to achieve something that is important to you each day – even if it is only for 15 minutes.  It is valuable in building self-esteem.
• Seek out what is good in yourself, in others, in situations as opposed to what is bad.
• Focus on things you are grateful for and appreciate.  It can change your thought patterns from hopeless to hopeful.
• Believe you are a survivor (not a victim) if bad things have happened to you.
• Be consistent in what you say and do.  This is critical in building trust with others.
• Have positive emotions and laughter which reduces stress.
• Have contact with important people in your life for support.

Look for ways to start your day well, and choose to be optimistic about its outcome.  How will you apply this information to your unique situation today?

Maurine