In my last post, I discussed 5 principles from  Emotional Intelligence (EI) that parents can follow to be an EI parent.  In this post I want to tell you how you can check your child’s EI by using these same 5 principles.

The next time you are concerned about your child’s behavior or attitude, think about which of the following 5 principles apply to the situation you are concerned about.  Then ask yourself the questions for that principle to get more insight into your child’s strengths and needed areas of development:

1.  Be aware of your own and others’ feelings.

• How well can my child identify and verbalize feelings?
• Can my child identify feelings in others?

2.  Show empathy and understand the point of view of others.

• How does my child show empathy or relate to the feelings of others?
• Can my child understand different points of view or see both sides of an argument?

3.  Regulate and cope positively with emotional and behavioral impulses.

• Can my child wait to get what he/she wants?
• How well can my child tolerate frustration?
• How does he/she express anger or other negative feelings?

4.  Be positive.

• What goals does my child have?
• Does my child plan things out before doing something?
• How have I helped him/her develop a plan for achieving a goal?

5.  Use positive social skills in handling relationships?

• How does my child resolve conflict?
• Does he/she listen and think of different ways of resolving conflicts?
• Can he/she do it independently?

The two factors in children that predict success and happiness in adults are:

• Learning how to deal with adversity.
• Knowing how to create and sustain joy in their life.

Using the 5 EI principles, you have the opportunity of modeling and teaching your child how to deal with adversity.  You also have the opportunity to demonstrate to your child how to create and sustain joy.

EI may be responsible for as much as 80% of the “success” in your adult life.  As you think about when you and your child are at your best and worst, which of the five principles are the easiest for you and which are the most challenging? 

It is not too late to learn how to put these principles into action.  It does take some effort, practice, and support.   However, as a parent, the payoff is worth it.

Maurine

The last several posts looked at how Emotional Intelligence (EI) applies to leadership.   I want to continue with a few more posts on applying EI to parenting.  I’ll start with a quick review.Why is Emotional Intelligence important?  It:

The idea of EI was proposed in the early 1980’s.  One way to define EI is the ability to access and make use of your feelings in order to be motivated and make good decisions.  Daniel Goleman, a leading authority on EI, describes the abilities that make up EI as your capacity to recognize your own feelings and those of others in order to manage your emotions.

Emotional Intelligence:

• Defines how and what you learn.
• Helps you set priorities and make choices.
• Reduces discipline problems.
• Increases on task behavior.

In the last twelve years, researchers have discovered that emotional awareness and the ability to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness, including family relationships.  For instance, people in good moods are better at inductive reasoning (logical reasoning from facts) and creative problem solving. 

EI is not set like IQ.  These abilities are learned and are retained through mitivation, effort, practice, and support.  Children learn EI from a combination of modeling, experience, practice, and reflection.  The family setting is an excellent place to provide this opportunity.

EI parenting focuses on 5 main principles: 

1.   Be aware of your own feelings and those of others.

• Think of a recent problem in the family.
• How were you, your children, or others feeling who were involved in the problem?

 

2.  Show empathy and understand others’ points of view.

·         Am I able to understand another’s point of view even during an argument 

     or when I don’t agree?

·         Do I express it to them?

 

3.  Regulate and cope positively with emotional and behavioral impulses.

·         How do I cope with anger, anxiety, and others stresses?

·         Am I able to maintain self-control when stressed or after a hard day?

·         How often do I yell at others?

·         When are my best and worst times?

 

4.  Be positive.

·         Have goals and be plan oriented.

·         What goals do I have for my family and myself?

·         What plans do I have for achieving them?

 

5.  Use positive social skills in handling relationships.

·         Do I listen to others and reflect back to people what they are saying?

·         How do I deal with problematic, everyday interpersonal situations?

Think about how you can use these 5 principles when you are parenting.  In my next post, I will discuss how you can apply these principles to check on your child’s developing EI.

Maurine